Why Chasing 'Success' Often Leaves Us Unfulfilled
Have you ever achieved a milestone you once dreamed of – hit the numbers, got the recognition, even turned your vision board into reality – only to find yourself feeling more exhausted, empty, and trapped in the life you built, instead of experiencing the joy and fulfillment you imagined?
I have. At what I thought was the height of my career – sharing stages with big-name speakers, authoring a #1 bestseller, and organizing events with industry leaders – instead of feeling the excitement I used to feel in the beginning of my career, I felt more trapped in the reputation I worked so hard to build.
This realization didn’t hit me overnight. I ignored the imposter syndrome that crept in for as long as I could because it threatened my very identity and everything I’d built. Then one day, an opportunity presented itself and I abruptly dropped everything to move across the world for it. Much later, I understood why – the success I'd been chasing wasn't truly mine. If it had been, I'd have felt joy and fulfillment, not drained and disconnected to the point of escaping my work.
For many of us entrepreneurs, our concept of "success" isn’t something we consciously create. It’s shaped by societal expectations, the education system, family values, and what we see celebrated in the media. These beliefs sink in so deeply from such a young age that we often mistake them for our own. Many of us grew up believing our worth is determined by how much we achieve, sacrifice, and endure to earn money, gain status, and get recognition. We work so hard under this belief without ever questioning if it's true or serving us.
In 2019, I didn't understand why I abruptly left my Silicon Valley career in real estate to become a beekeeper in Bulgaria (more on that story here). It seemed like a whim to start a honey company with no experience in a totally new country. But what unfolded was a five-year journey of self-discovery and healing – one that allowed me to fully acknowledge, process, and recover from the burnout of pursuing a career that I didn't authentically want but one I thought would make me “somebody” to my family, professional community, and society.
If you’re a woman in business who feels uninspired or disconnected from the work you feel you should love, you’re not alone. The good news is that you can redefine success in a way that energizes and fulfills you, leading not only to deeper satisfaction but also to greater long-term success!
In this article, we’ll explore why traditional success metrics often leave us feeling drained and unfulfilled and how reconnecting with your intuition and emotions can help you create a life of alignment, ease, and satisfaction.
The Trap of Traditional Success Metrics
As women entrepreneurs, many of us have unknowingly internalized outdated and masculine definitions of success that don’t truly serve us, such as:
Pushing our limits on the least amount of rest
Outperforming competitors at any cost
Chasing impressive revenue targets to share with peers
Collecting accolades and recognition
Maintaining an image of perfect work-life-family balance
While these achievements may look impressive and provide many benefits, they come at a high personal cost when they’re not aligned with what truly matters to us.
Signs That Traditional Success Metrics Are Holding You Back:
Feeling empty despite reaching your goals
Relying on pure willpower to get through each day
Constantly sacrificing present joy for future success
Missing life's precious moments because you're too focused on "making it"
Losing touch with your purpose and intuition
When we let external measures of success overshadow our intrinsic motivation – that natural drive that comes from doing work aligned with our passions and values – we start to normalize misalignment. Over time, we become numb to the discomfort, pushing ourselves in the wrong direction until we barely recognize ours
Why Alignment is the Key to Long-Term Fulfillment
Alignment means operating in a way that feels true to who you are. You create it by tuning out the external noise and listening to your inner voice – the one that knows what truly excites and fulfills you.
How Misalignment Shows Up:
Emotional Drainage: Constantly doing things that don’t resonate with you is exhausting.
Obligation Overload: Activities you once enjoyed now feel like obligations.
Guilt and Shame: You feel ungrateful for wanting more or something different from what you originally chose when others envy what you have.
Feeling Trapped in Responsibility: You prioritize everyone else’s needs (clients, employees, family) at your own expense. You’re exhausted from always being the reliable problem-solver, yet prioritizing yourself makes you feel selfish and a burden to others.
Why Alignment is Much More Effective than Willpower:
"People who rely on willpower to accomplish their goals are ultimately setting themselves up for failure. Instead, creating systems and environments that support natural motivation leads to sustainable success.” - James Clear, Atomic Habits
According to Dr. Roy Baumeister's research, willpower is finite and operates like a muscle that eventually will become exhausted in as little as 15-20 minutes of focused self-control. The evidence is clear, yet we high performers still somehow think we can cheat nature and override our intuition.
But here’s the trap – while we’ve built a strong muscle for pushing through resistance, over-using this muscle disconnects us from our own inner voice, making it easier to continue activities that drain us.
On the flip side, by practicing reconnecting with our desires, we can develop sensitivity to misalignment, helping us pivot more quickly toward meaningful long-term solutions. When we're aligned and intrinsically motivated – driven by passion, excitement, and purpose – the path becomes energizing rather than depleting, allowing us to operate at our best and achieve even greater results!
Example: Think back to a time when you were completely absorbed in something you loved, when hours felt like minutes and work felt like play. That's the power of alignment versus willpower.
Learning to Listen to Your Inner Compass
For us high-performing women entrepreneurs, the idea of slowing down to listen to your intuition can feel counterproductive. In a culture that glorifies hustle and constant productivity, pausing can even seem terrifying. "What if I lose momentum, or even worse become lazy!?" were fears I had that prevented me from taking this crucial step sooner.
Moving away from the hustle culture of Silicon Valley to Bulgaria changed everything. In this more laid-back, family-oriented culture, free of constant financial pressure, I found myself naturally drawn to what I'd always loved most – connecting with people. I organized over a hundred meetups, not because I "should," but simply because I enjoyed it. The depth of connection I experienced was unlike anything I'd known before, and it hit me: this was what I'd actually loved about my previous career organizing professional events – creating spaces for genuine human connection.
This realization, combined with my obsession with personal development and understanding how our subconscious drives our behavior, led me to create The DREAM Method to help women entrepreneurs reconnect with their intuition, realign their purpose, and create true work life balance.
Steps to Reconnect with Your Intuition:
Create space for reflection: Dedicate time daily to journal, meditate, or simply sit with your thoughts and feelings. Practice observing your inner voice without judgment.
Let emotions guide you: Emotions provide valuable feedback. For example, Happiness signals alignment, Sadness points to a gap between your reality and desires, and Anger highlights boundaries that need to be reinforced.
Ask yourself what you truly want: Beyond external expectations, what really lights you up? What activities or goals feel deeply fulfilling? When do you feel the most yourself?
Start making small changes: Experiment with one small change in your routine or work that feels more aligned. Notice how it affects your energy and motivation. Repeat.
Set boundaries: Begin saying “no” to what drains you and “yes” to what excites you. Trust that prioritizing yourself benefits everyone around you, and things will start to adjust in your favor.
Moving from Extrinsic to Intrinsic Motivation
The traditional definition of success heavily emphasizes extrinsic motivators: quantifiable targets, financial rewards, recognition, and status symbols. While these goals have their place, they can feel empty if the process of achieving them doesn’t align with your values.
The Downside of Extrinsic Motivation:
Sacrificing too much joy during the process can lead to resentment of the results.
Delayed gratification feels hollow when the journey lacks purpose.
Goals achieved just to prove you can often become empty victories that you celebrate once, then abandon because there's no genuine desire to maintain or build upon them.
We often sabotage our goals when achieving them means committing to doing more of the process that already drains us.
The Power of Intrinsic Motivation:
When your everyday actions align with your passions and values, motivation comes naturally. Instead of focusing solely on revenue goals, envision building a business that aligns with your deeper mission to empower others. Structure your daily activities around what energizes you – whether that's mentoring clients, creating innovative solutions, or building meaningful partnerships – and delegate the tasks that drain you (like administrative work, technical operations, or aspects of sales and marketing). When your business journey feels genuinely fulfilling, you won't need to force yourself to stay focused on your targets. Growth will happen naturally, and your achievements will feel even more meaningful because they are authentically aligned with what you want.
Redefining Success on Your Own Terms
One of the most empowering aspects of being your own boss is your ability to redefine success in a way that feels genuine and meaningful to you.
Steps to Redefine Success:
Audit your current definition: Write down your current definition of success. Ask yourself: Where did this come from? Does it still serve me?
Shift focus to alignment: Let your emotions guide you in creating goals that light you up. Supplement external benchmarks with process-oriented goals that align with your values, passions, and the person and entrepreneur you want to become.
Celebrate the journey: By celebrating your wins, you create positive reinforcement and build momentum, continually evolving into the more aligned version of yourself with each step of the process.
Your Dream Life is Within Reach
As a woman in business, you already have the strength and resilience to succeed. And now you know that having a business doesn’t mean you have to settle for a life of constant stress. By pausing, tuning into your intuition, and realigning with what truly matters to you, you can create a life and business that energizes and inspires you!
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If you’re ready to break free from feeling drained and to reignite your passion, my 10-week Dream Life Mastery Program is designed for women entrepreneurs to redefine success, align your personal and professional life with your passions, and build a life you love waking up to every day!
Click here to learn more and start your journey to alignment today.
About the Author
Jen Katsev
Personal Development Coach for Busy Women Professionals
Founder of The DREAM Method
Jen Katsev is a Silicon Valley recovered people pleasing overachiever, serial entrepreneur of 7 businesses, #1 bestselling author, former real estate syndicator and founder of BACOMM Investment Club. Despite her outward success, she felt trapped by the reputation she had built. Seeking change, she moved to Bulgaria to start a honey company, sparking an unexpected five-year journey of self-discovery and transformation. Now happily married and loving her life, Jen combines her journey and 7 years of life coaching experience to help others find authentic fulfillment and work-life alignment through her innovative DREAM Method.
